My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
