its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
