So drunk its hurt
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
