period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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