R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
