Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
