Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
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