it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
