the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
