So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
