There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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