Whod you bang
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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