If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
