saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
