i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
