i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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