I cannot find my penis.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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