we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
