Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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