based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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