While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
