he wants to bone in the snuggie
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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