I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
