What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
