I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
