woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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