Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
