If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
