Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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