i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Alive.
So much puke
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
