u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
