You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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