I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i now understand why vodka
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
