News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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