Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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