Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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