the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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