Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
