i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
