Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
