You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I've blown a few things in my day
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
