I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
