then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
