JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
