some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
