I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
