giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
