I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
