we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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