It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
