fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
