forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
