omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I fill condoms, not promises.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
