fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
