yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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